Sunday, December 7, 2014

Things I would say to my ex's girlfriend

First of all, I've already married now, for 5 months since June 15th this year.
I'm not writing this because I have personal issues to my ex, or hating his girlfriend.
I am still his friend on Facebook. So sometimes the feeds of his recent updates still come up at one place in my timeline home.
I literally cannot deny that his life is full of surprise, lucky for him to get a girlfriend tough.

Three or four times, one of his friend did 'mention' me in his post update's comments . I am not willingly to see it by coincidence, or anything. But wow, after we've been through, after all of my steady, openly goodbye and decision that I told him, I'm still the issue. I am still the issue of his 'ruined life', 'ruined life passion', and everything. I am still the reason of his unnecessary flashback scene. I am still the person that they love to gossip. So those are things that trigger me to made this up, and post it in my blog. So his girlfriend will read it, (it would be you now) and finally ‘The infamous Hana that ruined your boyfriend’s life’ could introduce herself.
So hear me out. And if I was a book, don’t judge me for the cover that I used. Read me out until the last page so you can understand.

 The very bright point I know is, that 3 years is not a short time to go on, and then you can buy a new book to read for. 3 years is not a short time to pack up your luggage and go for the next flight. I know exactly how would it feels, if I was somebody's man. When I had a relationship with him, it was in my high school era. As a teenager, I am not that open to a guy, it was so hard to convince me and finally had a relationship with me. I am not somebody that used to have interest in people, flirt him, and date him. Even my last ex (your boyfriend) is the second person that I had relationship with. (I think you would considerate it, because you were a teenage girl too). I am not someone that blindly furious of his busy activities back then, I was not the type of girl that jamming his schedule frequency to my liking and interest. Sometimes that is the key if you want to have a long lasting relationship, I think.

Everything was so good, if we were not planning to have a further level of relationship. We were in the same age level, same birth year. Which is an obstacle, to my type of husband, to my marriage life plan. So when list of guy came to my house and asking me for their wife to be to my mama and papa, it comes as a threat for our relationship. He knew, that several guy came to my house, because I told him. I am not a bad person that you have to hate. I am not some of “PLAYER GIRL” that everybody have to talk about. I am not that beyotch.

It is up to you, that you would believe me or not, but single guys around me, were had interest in me to be their wife. It is not my fault, that list of guy came to my house and asking permission to my papa and mama. You know that. Even if the condition that I still had a relationship with him, you know that even if I have a boyfriend, I am not still tied to an agreement that made me couldn’t receive those demand to be their wife.

So then he came like the other list of guy, and I didn’t know a thing, he didn’t ask me for my permission that he would came to my house and asking my parents that he had interest in me to be my husband too. That spontaneous thing is happen, and I was in the middle of UTS or mid semester test back then. So I cannot go home and watch him had a conversation with my parents. And then he upset, because he himself knew that he is not good enough to be more than of a boyfriend. According to my parents judgment he is too young to be my husband, and the difference of our age level is too close, back then I was 20 years old, and he was 20 years old too.  

But then life is go on, and a month after that there was ‘hurricane’ in our relationship,
He posted some flirty tweets to the other girl in his twitter.
And it was a BUNCH of tweets! I still could remain in my mind how disappointed I was back there. How long is my crying session back then? It was so hurtful, yes pain in my eyes, I cry a lot that night. But I thought it’s just a conversation, so I keep it light and never keep it to the surface, and pretending that there is nothing wrong of him and I continue communicate with him like nothing happened.
But I was wrong.
He flirt more.
And it was more disgusting than it were before.
His tweet conversation with that girl is tenser.
He even said that we were broke up to that girl.
So the next session of my crying session is come up again, and I was crying up again. So I confront him, I talked to him why does that disgusting tweets had to ever happen? I asked him, did he still love me? If true, why is that happen? Why did you tweeted like that to the other girl? Am I not good enough than that girl in your twitter? Am I not beautiful enough than that girl? Do you choose me or her? And you know what his reason are?

 “Aa khilaf, aa frustasi dan gatau harus gimana”
  I was slipped, I was frustrated of what just happen and don’t know what to do
 “Aa gatau kalau eneng tau aa punya twitter”
  I don’t know that you knew that I have twitter account 

 He was slipped, yes what a dumb reason that even had to ever exist. How could you slipped for plenty times? How could you slipped and tweeted some flirty disgusting tweet to the other girl? How could you don’t know that I know your twitter account? How could you slipped and tell the world that you were broke up with your girlfriend? HOW COULD THAT EVEN IN A SLIPPED CATEGORY?

 So I was miraculously forgive him, I accept his apology, for being loyal to our relationship before that tweets ever happened. I forgive him and said to him that maybe my feeling is not deeper than before. Shit happens. And so does life,
  • Part of me thought that it was clues from god that I have to left him
  • Part of me thought that this was planned by him so I can constantly hate him for a long time
  • Part of me thought that my personality is bad
I less care to it, and go on with my life. And months after that, my decision of my life soul mate to be is thinner and thinner every day.
So after list of guy came to my house and asking my parents about me to be their wife,
I deduce that we have to ‘break up’ I want a break up, I said it to him, in a phone.
I said that if he still want to fight for me, it’s fine. But I will considerate it later.

Months later, My decision is finally come to surface, me and my husband to be (my husband now), are going to engage.
My parents love him. So did my husband parent. I said my decision to list of guy that want me to be their wife, And when it goes to my last ex, I told that I have a decide a husband that I come up to with, I did cry a lot, in front of him. I don’t know why does that happens, it is not because that I still love him. But I feel sorry for him, to have those dream that doesn’t came true.
And then after my engagement with my husband, we’re happily married in 15th of June 2014. I invited him, but he said that he won’t come and still relives the time, and said that it is not necessary to invite him.

Time flies, and months later it happens again.
His friends on facebook talked about me again, mentioning my name, but did not tag my facebook account.

And darn it, I SEES those comments that feels like hating me, I don’t know their problem. Do they hate me or not? I don’t care. I have no interest of joining their problem.

But girl, if you feel like you are tired of it, if you think that you are tired with all those joking comment in his facebook, I do too. I was tired of it too back then, I dislike it. If you think that I was the one that loves to be a joke in their comments when I was with him? I am not. I don’t like to be a part of their jokes, now or back then. I was not enjoyed it. 

So whatever you did now, all of my advice is would deduce to one conclusion:
 Do not waste your time 
 Do not waste your time to tag along with his social media activities, if you cannot keep up. Because believe me, it hurts. I know it hurts to feel humiliated in social media. Among his friends. Include If you love him or not, it’s up to you, I just want to say that feeling free is number one. And feeling happiness without a doubt, IS THE RULE. b6b84-original
Hana Zainab Mukarromah Web Developer

I am a programming teacher who lived in Bandung, pluviophile nephelolater, oneironaut, writer, blogger, muslimah for a living